How to kill your fish!

  1. Overfeed: Feed much and often.
  2. Spray and aerosol. Insect sprays, hairspray and window cleaner etc.
  3. Overcrowd: Keep stacking them in.
  4. Poor filtration: What does it matter if the water is cloudy and grey?
  5. Use ‘el cheapo’ fish foods: Usually crushed dog biscuit type.
  6. Give them a total water change: Especially if they are in very old water or warm water at the moment.
  7. Use water from new copper pipes: If the chlorine doesn’t get them, this will.
  8. Use water from new galvanized tanks: Just in case they have survived everything else.
  9. Use fibreglass filter wool: Give them silicosis of the gills.
  10. Medicate, medicate, medicate: Use some blue stuff, some yellow stuff …
  11. Bang the glass when passing: Can’t have them lazy and tranquil.
  12. Do not quarantine: This gives your old fish an unfair fighting chance. Let them have some new germs to make life interesting. In short, if they get sick, see Point 10.

Some Special Points for Tropicals

  1. Put your big fish with little fish: Make the bigger fish bigger.
  2. Let the temperature go up, up, up or down, down, down: They won’t know whether they are coming or going.
  3. Don’t worry about the pH or acid level: Let ’em burn a little.
  4. Ignore the ammonia and nitrite level: It’s far too technical and they probably died of something else anyway.

Taken from Cichlid Monthly, Volume 14, Number 8.